Science has enriched the lives of bacon-lovers everywhere. A study conducted by researchers at ETH Zurich has concluded that the high levels of Vitamin B3 (known as niacin) in this meat could help you live longer.
To test this, Energy Metabolism Professor Michael Ristow fed roundworms a dose of niacin, discovering that they lived one-tenth longer than those who went without. The vitamin is also rich in the likes of Marmite, paprika, peanuts and sun-dried tomatoes. This is surprisingly contrary to what scientiests believed, because the standard assumption has been that niacin promotes the formation of “free radicals,” causing faster ageing.
An antioxidant-rich diet has been contradicted by Ristow’s findings, which shows that niacin “tricks the body into believing that it is exercising,” perfect for any particularly lazy individual.
Next up will be testing the theory on mice, but for now allow me to personally thank science.
PS BEST COMMENT EVER GOES TO THIS GUY:
My research remains inconclusive, however. It needs to be tested on humans. I have applied for a government grant to fund a comprehensive research program under which my same methodology will be applied to members of Congress. I am eager to begin.